


darling, not even the grave could hold me from you

by aprettyred_ashiningblue



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Recall, i love them so much holy shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23014120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aprettyred_ashiningblue/pseuds/aprettyred_ashiningblue
Summary: Jesse and Gabriel confront the ghosts of their past together.
Relationships: Jesse McCree/Reaper | Gabriel Reyes
Comments: 15
Kudos: 38





	darling, not even the grave could hold me from you

It’s been a long time since Gabriel has looked in a mirror. Circumstance, as it were. One task, one mission usually lead into another and even in times of relative peace when he wasn’t trying to hold up the foundation under a crumbling diplomatic situation, Gabriel really never had time for cosmetics.

But after straightening the beanie on his head, Jesse had a point.

His line of work had given him the ability to remember all of his agents’ abilities and specialties, who would best fit on a team, who could run recon, who fits best on a front line attack. Leading an operation like Overwatch probably wouldn’t ever have fit him, sure, but in Blackwatch, Gabriel could carry out his duties _his_ way, get it all done and be home by dinner before anyone was any the wiser.

But from the first day he ushered one plucky, loud-mouthed asshole into his squadron that reads people way too easily, he never stopped learning things about himself that not even SEP and his years of leading Blackwatch could teach him.

“Boss, you need a haircut.”

“Come again?”

“Gabe I know you think you’re ancient, but ain’t no way you’re playin’ that card with me.”

Really, Jesse had mastered the art of calling Gabriel’s bullshit without skipping a single beat. Jesse was stretched out on the couch in Gabriel’s office, hands folded and placed under his head as he watched Gabriel flit around his office.

“Don’t you have work you should be doing?” He said as he slammed the last drawer of his desk shut. There’s a briefing later in the day with a few prominent government officials that Gabriel was dreading and if he were being honest (as if the dramatic eye-roll he gave when Jack told him he had to be there too wasn’t honest enough), wasn’t even sure why he needed to be present. _Security advice_ , Jack had said, trying but not quite hard enough to hide a smirk. _I know hiding in the shadows is your thing, but welcome to my world_. Most days, Gabriel truly is thankful he doesn’t have Jack’s job.

“‘Course I do, _Commander_. In the middle of a real important task right now, matter o’ fact.” Jesse quips, stretching his arms out and bowing his back to emphasize his point.

“I don’t recall lounging in _my_ office in the middle of a workday being one of your responsibilities.” Gabriel says with his back turned, clearing off the filing cabinet and flicking through the stack of papers as a notification from Jack pings on the screen at his desk. “ _Where_ is that damn folder?!”

Jesse slinks off the couch and Gabriel can hear his heels clicking towards him. “No but as your esteemed second in command, I think it’s important I try and keep you on track and pick up the slack, don’t you darlin’?”

“And what does me getting a haircut have to do with that?” Gabriel rolls his eyes as fingers slip under his beanie and onto his scalp.

“You’re really bad at gettin’ em.” Jesse says matter of factly, carding his fingers through the messy curls piled on Gabriel’s head.

“Well I guess I can add that to my resume: Commander of covert division within Overwatch, expert close quarters combat, capable of leading teams both on and off field in various missions, and bad at personal hygiene.”

“You remember the last haircut you got? I had to pull you outta your office durin’ lunch and sit you down just so you’d get it?” Jesse slips the beanie off of Gabriel’s head and leaves it on the desk, brushing the hair back from Gabriel’s face. “My point is that I know when you get way too stressed. Y’ ain’t had a haircut in a while so to fix it, you wear that beanie so you don’t have to.”

Gabriel stops what he’s doing as his shoulders slack, Jesse’s arms come to rest over them and wrap around him as Jesse’s chest presses flush to his back. “Y’know, you’re too smart for your own good sometimes.” Gabriel grabs Jesse’s hand that’s resting over his heart and grins, looking back at Jesse as he rests his chin on his shoulder.

“Don’t I know it, sugar.”

Another notification pings on Gabriel’s desk. “I’m sorry Jess, I know you’re tryna help but you know I have that briefing with those fuckin’ government stiffs and if I’m late—“ Gabriel’s cut off as he’s whirled around and they’re face to face for just a second until Jesse closes the gap, pressing his lips against Gabriel’s bottom lip, gently silencing him. It’s warm, and the smell he’s come to know as Jesse McCree fills his nose: vanilla, cedar, and a hint of the cigar they shared that morning the last time they kissed while he dragged himself out of bed before Jesse playfully smacked his ass.

Gabriel releases a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as he feels Jesse smile into the kisses, and he’s just a second from considering calling in and letting Jack handle everything until Jesse pulls back with a muted pop and a folder is slapped onto his chest. Eyelids fluttering, Gabriel’s head hangs dumbly between them as Jesse looks at him expectantly, eyebrows raised with a lopsided grin plastered on his face.

“Wh—“

“On your desk under your mug. Y’ left it under the inventory catalog.”

Taking a second to flip through, Gabriel insures that every file he needed was there and sighs heavily in relief as he holds it to his chest. “What would I do without you?”

“Angie’ll be waitin’ after the briefing, darlin’. Better get a move on or you’ll be late.” Jesse drawls, clicking his tongue. 

“Great, now I get a haircut and a lecture about the hazards of smoking.” Gabriel rolls his eyes as he leans in to steal one more kiss, pulling Jesse in by the waist who plants his hands on both sides of Gabriel’s face. Gabriel’s hair really has gotten too long, Jesse’s able to grab a handful and gives him a playful tug at the same time Gabriel gives his ass a strong squeeze.

“Don’t you worry Gabe, I’ll be with you through the whole thing.”

———

It’s been a long time since Gabriel Reyes has seen his reflection. Whether on purpose or because of circumstance, he couldn’t say. (Or wouldn’t say) He had never cared about his appearance beyond presentability. It was just happenstance that a natural scowl and a chip on the shoulder ended up being the perfect countenance for his eventual line of work.

He tries, once more, to remove the bone white mask from his face. He gets a little farther this time, up until his hand hovers over his face, and still hesitates.

_Why is it so difficult? Afraid of what you’ll see?_

Reyes’ hand drops.

He lowers his head and glares at his hands gripping the bathroom counter, as if the problem lies there and not elsewhere. Even his hands are indistinguishable. He peels one glove from his hand and moves to remove the second one when the door behind him slides open.

Reyes knew from the beginning that not everyone would have welcomed him back warmly. He had spent years working for Talon, carrying out their agenda and getting his hands dirty far beyond anything he had ever done for Blackwatch. Save for a few, once people learned he was still alive and most definitely kicking, they weren’t really surprised he had re-emerged as a gun for Talon. It wasn’t that far of a jump in logic. It’s not so much that he was hoping, or even expecting that he would be welcomed back. Part of him expected to be turned away entirely, deemed a traitor through and through for the things he had done. While he hadn’t known what to expect, he certainly hadn’t expected McCree’s response. Or, lack thereof. They didn’t have a picture perfect beginning, Reyes never expected that they would see each other and drop everything to sprint full speed into each other’s arms. But McCree had on almost the exact same face as the day he left Blackwatch, and the eerie lack of emotion on McCree’s face had been enough to unnerve Reyes then as it did now.

McCree’s face is still painfully unreadable. He steps into the room just far enough for the door behind him to slide closed and it’s at this moment Reyes realizes: this is the first time he had been alone with his protégé since returning. It took quite awhile for McCree to stop testing Reyes’ patience when he first joined Blackwatch (getting Ana to teach him as well had done wonders for his attitude). It took even longer to encourage and sustain McCree’s confidence in himself, enough for him to actually give a fuck and realize he could actually do some good in Blackwatch, and Overwatch in general. But from the first moment they laid eyes on each other and shared pleasantries before their first meeting ended with a boot on McCree’s neck and an offer he couldn’t refuse, McCree had been so, _so_ readable.

_Always such a charmer_ , Ana had said.

_I’m positive that boy can talk himself out of anything_ , Angela had said.

_Good luck teaching him anything when he’s as stubborn as you are_ , Jack had said.

Genji kept all of his communication curt and distant, even more so when he first joined, but not a single person could deny they were impressed when McCree was the first person he opened up to. He was just easy to talk to, wears his heart on his sleeve and can make anyone comfortable around him. He had a way of weaving himself into your mind, which is why it felt so foreign to Reyes be standing in front of him for the first time in years, feeling scrutinized and laid bare.

“Guess you’re stickin’ with the get up.” McCree says finally, scoffing after nearly a minute of looking Reyes up and down. Even his tone of voice was devoid of anything that gave him away.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Reyes laughs, but it comes out dry. (Tired.) McCree’s eyes squint just a hair’s width closer and the corners of his mouth sink.

“Y’ could say it’s worse than that.” McCree crosses his arms. There’s a million responses that race through Reyes’ mind, he weighs the consequences of them all but each of them stop at the tip of his tongue.

He sighs heavily. “Why are you here, McCree?” He addresses McCree by name when there’s a few seconds of silence, as if he wouldn’t get a response (or at least one that he liked) if he didn’t do so.

“Dunno. Just figured I should see you in flesh and blood.”

“Well? Did you get what you wanted?”

“Do I ever?” Comes McCree’s response almost immediately.

A pregnant silence falls and neither of them are willing to break it. McCree shifts his weight to one leg and turns his head away; Reyes’ profile is facing him and he looks down at his clasped hands. Eyebrows twitching, McCree’s gaze flicks from the ceiling to the fake potted plant across the room as if the perfect words he’s looking for will be written there. His attention returns when Reyes sighs.

“It’s still me, Jes—”

“ _Don’t_. Don’t you say that to me.”

_There it is._

McCree grits his teeth and his words come out with a growl. He keeps his arms crossed and absentmindedly rubs the spot on his arm where flesh meets metal. It hadn’t bothered him in years but recently the phantom pains had come back. “What are you expectin’ outta me Reyes? Was I s’posed to lay out the red carpet because _Commander_ Reyes came in from the cold?”

“If this is all you came here to do, you might as well leave.” Reyes clenches and unclenches his fingers, displeased with the feeling of seams breaking in his chest at the sound of McCree’s voice.

“‘Case I gotta remind you, I don’t work for you anymore. Haven’t for a long time.”

Reyes regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth. “You were the one who left. Don’t you forget that.”

_I didn’t want to. I_ **_didn’t_ ** _want to. You made me do it._

“I thought I was your right hand,” McCree takes a step forward. “You told me everythin’, then one day you didn’t. What the fuck was I s’posed to do when suddenly everythin’ became a ‘need to know’, and I just ain’t need to know? You don’t remember me beggin’ you to tell me _somethin'_ , anything?”

“You know I couldn’t do that.”

“The attacks? The fact that you hirin’ O’Deorain was never cleared with me? That time you nearly lost your shit on a basic intel sweep? The day you started forgettin’ the most basic shit? _Venice_?” At the end of every question, McCree’s voice became more and more incredulous, the tightness in his tone becoming more and more evident. He’s taken three more steps, the listless demeanor dropped entirely. “I didn’t sign up for _murder_ , Reyes!”

Shooting up to his feet, Reyes turns to face him. “I was protecting you!”

McCree throws his hat onto the couch as he takes another step. “No, you weren’t! You shut me out, you made decisions for me that you had no goddamn right to make.”

The moment he found out Reyes was still alive, McCree was flooded with too many conflicting emotions. Sure, he spent years asking himself why. Why Reyes changed, why everything went wrong, why Overwatch fell, even why he left. He never stopped questioning that decision. He never stopped asking himself questions of which he would never and could never have the answers for, and each question only served to make him more, what? Resentful? Mournful? Spiteful?

Maybe that’s why he’s standing in front of the man he would have taken a bullet for, spitting venom. The circumstances are unfair. Although he spent years hurting (and spent most of that time looking for the end of the grieving process at the bottom of a bottle of whisky), the moment he found out Reyes was still alive he wanted nothing more than to take him and run. Run as far as possible and somehow try and apologize for watching everything fall apart and leaving Reyes to pick up the pieces. But as he stands there, that unexpressive white mask staring back at him, he still finds no answers and his mind is spinning.

“Then suddenly you and your pal O’Deorain are workin’ for Talon?! And you’re dressin’ up as some masked freak goin’ after ex agents like some kind of rogue hitman?” He’s gesturing wildly and can’t stop his voice from getting louder and his emotions from getting the better of him.

Reyes’ mask betrays none of his emotions. “As if I need to take lessons from a loose cannon cowboy. I’ve always done what was necessary to get the job done, even if that means putting myself in the line of fire.” Even though McCree’s face is twisted with anger and roughened by years of being on the run by himself, Reyes wants nothing more than to hold it in his hands, rub the scruff that McCree had grown out considerably with his thumb and remember better times.

“You killed good agents, Gabriel!! Good people who were still tryin’ to save the world when it ain’t want them savin’ it anymore.”

“ _I had to!_ ” That one hurts, draws up the disgraceful memory of putting the barrel of his shotgun up to the head of agents he knew were good people, not even able to apologize and tell them it was for the greater good. It strikes Reyes because he hadn’t felt anything in the moment. While he never forgot, it was just easier to write it off as yet another thing that had to be done, and it wasn’t until McCree had thrown it in his face that the reality of it sinks in.

“You keep tellin’ yourself that. You put that in your brain, you wear that mask, and you hide. Seems like that’s been your go-to.”

“I couldn’t blow my cover, Jesse.”

“… But Jack and Ana were allowed to know?” McCree’s voice comes out so small. As if the bravado, the fury that had worked its way back up through all of the safeguards he put up had been sucked out, and the only thing left was the hurt, the betrayal that was written plainly on his face.

McCree remembers the way Jack couldn’t even look him in the eyes, Angela looked down at her clasped hands, and how Ana of all people gripped his shoulders before pulling him in for an embrace. _You were doing so well on your own, we were afraid it would have crushed you,_ Ana had said.

_Even in ‘death’, I wasn’t important enough to you?_

Gabriel had almost forgotten how goddamn adept Jesse had been at calling his bullshit.

“I’m…”

“You asked why I’m here? You wanna know why? Why in hell would I come to see you of all people, right?” Chuckling dryly, McCree passes his flesh hand over his face and into his hair. His voice is trembling. “Figured I owed it to myself. Figured maybe you could give me some sorta explanation.”

“Explanation for what?”

“For why I spent damn near a decade waitin’ for a ghost.”

Reyes takes a half step closer as he sees McCree’s fists ball up at his sides. “Everything was happening all at once and I hardly had a grip on reality most days, Jesse. I didn’t know what to do.”

“You were _dead_ , Gabriel. You died. I spent half that time tryna convince myself you had forgiven me for leavin’, and the other half tryin’ to remember the Gabriel I knew was gone long before I ever left.”

“You say you didn’t sign up for murder, but you certainly didn’t sign up out of the goodness of your heart.” The face that glares back at McCree remains unchanging.

“Rottin’ in a jail cell woulda been better than this!” McCree closes the gap and slams his hands on Reyes’ chest, grabbing the straps that front of his coat and shaking him. “Better than learnin’ that the man I loved was dead and knowin’ I had the chance to say goodbye! Better than losin’ sleep after finally having somethin’ to call home!! Better than seeing the ghost of that man stand in front of me, and stare at me with this _BLANK FUCKIN’ MASK_!” McCree grabs the bottom tip of Reyes’ mask and rips it off, hurling it to a corner of the room somewhere behind Reyes in one single movement. Reyes hears it hit a wall and clatters to the ground with a resounding thud. Everything else that McCree had left is taken by the outburst as he’s overwhelmed and the only thing that’s left is bone-tiredness. His shoulders draw in, rests his hands on Reyes’ chest, his vision is swimming, and suddenly his cheeks are hot with tears he hadn’t realized he was holding in.

Hands hesitate behind Jesse’s back only for a second. The glove that had been on his other hand was ripped off and dropped to the ground as he pulls their chests flush together. Reyes can hardly remember how many years he forced himself to disconnect, keep no personal ties, bury everything so far down that not even he could remember everything he was trying to keep hidden. He knew from the beginning that he would have to restructure his morals completely if he was to have any hope of working through Talon from the ground up, and that he might not come out physically or mentally sound. Hell, his body had already started that process years before Overwatch collapsed.

But there’s something about this, about this cowboy, _his_ cowboy, that just felt like more than instinct. It felt more than he ever been afforded in his life that he had been given another chance to just hold him, or hear his voice and see that ridiculous ten gallon hat enter the room before he did. This could have just been a hallucination, caused by his in-between state of existence, how he wasn’t dead but could hardly be considered ‘alive’. But the swirl of air between them when Jesse pulls away, the smell he’s always known as Jesse McCree: vanilla, cedar, and a hint of the cigar they shared on many an occasion, keeps him grounded.

“You grew your hair out.” The sound of Jesse’s voice brings Gabriel back to reality. He hadn’t realized his hood had been knocked back and the long curls he normally hid with his coat had been swept out. Jesse’s eyes are still wet and he has a sad smile, but he gathers handfuls of the long hair and brushes it through his fingers.

Gabriel tilts his head and smiles sideways. “Well you see, I used to have some loud-mouthed asshole around to yell at me when I needed a haircut.”

Jesse sharply exhales once, twice, and again, and suddenly the sweetest sound he never expected to hear again is filling Gabriel’s ears. Jesse is _laughing_ , and Gabriel laughs with him. Still giggling, he tucks his chin onto the slot of skin where neck meets shoulder and rests one hand on the small of Gabriel’s back and tangles the other in the foreign expanse of long, ink-black hair on the back of his head. Everything about Gabriel is foreign. His suit smells like leather and metal, his hair drapes around the sides of his face and is long enough to swoop over his shoulders, his voice is even lower than Jack’s and comes out as a low growl, and his skin is cold to the touch. Even the striking color of his eyes against the tan of his skin is now a blood, piercing red. But even with his eyes closed, Jesse knows he’s holding Gabriel in his arms.

“I thought I lost you.” Jesse says finally with a hint of disbelief, face still buried in Gabriel’s neck.

Gabriel’s arms around him tighten and he laughs lightly. “Oh, Jess. Not even the grave could hold me from you.”

Later that very same day, Gabriel and Jesse find Angela asleep at her desk, surrounded by folders while trying to get everyone’s medical records up to date. Not wanting to bother her, Jesse offers his own expertise and somehow manages to procure a pair of scissors and an old fashioned electric razor. _Don’t you worry, I wasn't just shootin' bad guys all this time_ , Jesse had said, looking way too enthusiastic for Gabriel to turn down. If it came out looking a little wonky, well, Gabriel was just glad to have his cowboy back.

**Author's Note:**

> this started from a personal headcanon I have that Gabie is just really bad at self care and Jesse is his shoulder sage that nags him when he starts slipping and really it just escalated c: but tbh is anyone surprised lol if im writing it, I can and most likely will make it sad somehow lmao but either way I hope you enjoyed! if it feels a little disjointed, it's bc this is kinda part of a longer fic that I have planned that I'd really love to make happen! I won't make any promises but im so honestly smitten w McReyes rn, so anything can happen lol thank you for reading and feel free to leave your love and validation bc I Am Babie (´；ω；`)


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